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LawCare - Coping with Bereavement
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We will all experience bereavement at some point in our lives. Very few of us are adequately prepared or understand how to cope. Often callers to the LawCare helpline will mention a bereavement in passing without fully realising that it may well be contributing to their state of mind, inability to work at full capacity or a feeling of heaviness. |
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Bereavement brings with it a slew of emotions, behaviours and symptoms. Compassionate leave in some law firms can just be one day off for the funeral/memorial service yet the grieving may last a lifetime. Not one of us knows how we are going to cope with the death of someone.
When we are bereaved we enter into a state of grief, which will be different for each of us. For some this may be postponed or denied as work takes precedence, for others they may get stuck in their grief unable to fully function. No-one grieves according to a set pattern and it is not a linear process. If you try to bury grief, it can return - triggered perhaps by a scent, voice, or a piece of music. So how can you try and work through grief and attempt to move on?
Professor William Worden identifies four ‘tasks’ of mourning.
The first is accepting the reality of the loss. There are many basic ways of doing this and events such as funerals and memorials naturally help us to do this. Thinking and speaking about the deceased in the past tense is another example.
The second task is working through the pain of grief. We will each have different emotions that are important for us to feel and recognise – some of these may include anger, loneliness, guilt, even relief. It is vital to acknowledge, talk about and try to understand all of these feelings in an attempt to process them.
Task three is adjusting to the environment in which the deceased is missing. This can mean a variety of different things ranging from new practical responsibilities such as paying bills, cooking, parenting, to redefining yourself without the other person, or finding new forms of support.
The final task is to find an enduring connection with the deceased while moving on with life. There comes with this a level of acceptance that a person has gone, but an importance that you can engage with life once again, enjoy yourself, embark on new relationships whilst remembering and cherishing the time you spent with the deceased. This last task can take a long time and be the most difficult to realise.
If you want to begin the conversation about being bereaved, or just talk to LawCare in confidence about any other issue, call our helpline on 0800 279 6888. www.lawcare.org.uk
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